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User talk:Harrypottercoolis
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Boy page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:33, February 5, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:05, February 5, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story The story was not up to quality standards. It felt very rushed and lacking any real sense of escalation or suspense. Punctuation issues: abbreviations like Mr./Mrs. require a period as they are shortenings of words. (Mister/Misses) You also misuse commas through-out the story. "While she was sleeping, there was a song playing over and over, (not needed) in Olive's voice but distorted." Wording issues: redundancy issues. ("Olive was one of the few children who didn't like the nursery, and the nursery's owner Mr(.) Thomas, who was a peculiar man who was very good with the children." (who is repeated three times and is redundant.) I would also avoid starting sentences with conjunctions (but, because, and) as it is not grammatically correct and gives the story an unevenly paced flow. Story issues. This was what caused the story to fall below quality standards. The mother falls asleep, but doesn't call the nursery to check when she realizes she over-slept and just rushed over to the nursery without checking to see if the owner is still there. (Who also didn't call or attempt to let Jane know her daughter had been waiting for her and she was late.) There is also the randomly passing out issue. "She turned around, and saw Olive and some other small children she didn't know coming towards her like zombies. Then she passed out." (How? Why? What caused her to lose consciousness?) Then there's the ending. You don't really describe enough for the reader to build a sufficient picture so I assume the skeleton is Jane's and that she was eaten, which makes it odd when you assume a group of toddlers (who were also left behind?) overpowered and ate a full-grown woman. (Although considering her penchant for losing consciousness without reason or explanation, I guess that is a minor quibble.) The ending just seems anti-climactic and lacking any real sense of resolution or conclusion. "Mr(.) Thomas and all the police officers that went were dead within the hour." All those resulted in the story appearing rushed, lacking description/tension, and not very well-told. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:07, February 5, 2015 (UTC) RE: Go int editor mode on that page and remove this: EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:54, May 1, 2015 (UTC) :You need to be in source mode, go to special:preferences#mw-prefsection-editing and change "preferred editor" to source editor. Using that, you can remove the nowiki tags. | creepypasta.wikia.com | He's not the messiah! He's a very naughty boy! | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] }} 20:03, May 1, 2015 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. | creepypasta.wikia.com | I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] }} 17:51, June 8, 2015 (UTC) RE: Well, to begin with, the poem is from a ''Doctor Who'' audiobook, from which it is taken without any form of credit. Even with credit, however, the poem is definitely copyrighted, and could lead to major issues for us if we leave it up. Before I actually researched the poem, which I did when you asked me about the deletion, I deleted it because it was not up to our quality standards. Without the context of the audiobook, the poem doesn't make much sense. Starting with the smaller things, it was formatted incorrectly. You need to wrap it in tags, otherwise the new lines won't appear. The story followed an extremely basic "AAAB" rhyme scheme, which made it feel boring and repetitive to read. With the second to last stanza (beginning "Zagreus waits at the end of the world"), you rhyme "world" with "world", which sounds extremely odd, and lazy. The main complaint I have with the pasta is with the plot - there (basically) is none. We hear about a being that waits at the end of the world/is the end of the world... and? Where's the threat? Everyone knows that, at some point, the world is going to end, there's no reason for the pasta to be scary. At times, lines make little sense, for example, "Zagreus fears the hero heart" - why does the end of the world fear the heart of a hero? It's not like there's much anyone can do to stop the end of the world. Lines like this can be found throughout the poem, which makes it confusing. While I'm sure the poem would make sense within the context of the audiobook, standalone it makes no sense. Additionally, the way in which you have conducted yourself when talking to me about this (calling it "your poem", making no mention of the fact that it's taken from somewhere else) leads me to believe you may have been trying to pass it off as your work. Be aware that plagiarism carries a very severe punishment around here, and if something like this happens again, you may be blocked from editing. | creepypasta.wikia.com | I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] }} 18:28, June 8, 2015 (UTC) Ok, thanks. Harrypottercoolis (talk) 18:30, June 8, 2015 (UTC)